Fade
by Shinigami29
Summary: ['Gate of Darkness, Circle of Light', MultiChapter Fic] Evan is faced with something he never would have deemed possible... something just a shade worse than exhile. Leaving by choice.
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

Looking around the white planes around him, Evantarin couldn't see what was so important to him. What was it about this scenery that had called to him constantly that time, ages ago it seemed, that he had visited the eternal purgatory that was the Realms of Grey? The one its inhabitants call Earth? Finding no answer, he closed his eyes and lay back in the fields of wheat.

"Evan?" a voice muttered beside him, heavy with sleep. He turned his head to look at the girl, young by his own standards, snuggle closer to his side.

"Yes Lady?" he asked, pulling her onto his chest. He didn't feel the warm sensation, just above his navel, as he had in past years when he held her like this. "Is anything wrong?"

The girl pushed herself up to look at him through tired eyes. "Yes," she nodded. "You. You're wrong. What's wrong?"

"What are you talking about, Lady?" he chuckled, cringing at the hollow sound of it. She blinked at him curiously, and sat up, leaving him alone. He felt cold, despite the sun above him. "Are you sure you are alright?"

"You're hurting," she pouted. "All the bits and pieces of you are hurting… I can feel it."

He smiled at her concern. "I'm perfectly fine, Lady." Pulling himself to a stand, he helped her before they started the long, leisurely walk back to the little house the girl, Rebecca, had found herself living in. They walked in silence.

When they arrived there, she went excitedly about her routines. Unnecessary, but a habit Rebecca had brought back with her from Earth. Evantarin watched her as he leaned against her doorframe, but after a few moments, something distracted him. He could have sworn he had heard music… looking towards the horizon, he tried to catch the distinct tune again; or at least figure out why it seemed so familiar to him.

A few bars drifted through his mind, and a pang sounded at his heart. A shatter was heard, demanding his attention. He looked at Rebecca, to see her picking up large pieces of porcelain. He moved to help her, the music drifting away as fast as it had come.

He didn't need to ask her why she had dropped the plate; she would tell him when she was ready.

They cleaned in silence, and before long not a single grain of glass was left. Rebecca was left standing in the middle of the room as he fixed her with his measuring eyes; she didn't meet his gaze.

"You were hurting," she mumbled. "Just then… when I dropped the plate… you were hurting. I don't want you to hurt, Evan."

"I'm fine, Lady," he smiled at her as best as he could, lifting her face up to see her eyes. She wasn't scared, just confused.

"But you do hurt, Evan," she stated. It was simple to her; he hurt, there was no other explanation for it. Why would he say anything else? "By saying you aren't, you're-"

"Lying?" Evantarin interrupted. "I cannot be lying, Lady, for lying is a tool of the darkness. It would cause me too much pain to lie, especially to you."

"But you are," she blinked innocently. "You don't glow anymore. Evan, I know you hurt, because I feel it. _You don't glow anymore._"

He stared at her with his own confusion, before the music came back to him; he stared back out to the horizon. After a few moments, Rebecca pushed him towards the door. Not needing to ask why, he left and found himself following his own feet.

He didn't know how long he'd walked when he was through, but he managed to walk all the way back to where the gates would appear in the barrier, should he be invited back to those Realms. He didn't know why he was there.

"Someone is calling you," he looked up, startled, to see the face of his only elder in the entire Realm. Bathed in folds of white, he looked at Evantarin with such a calculating look, he couldn't help but shiver. "Haven't you heard them?"

"I've heard a song," he asked. "Or… bits of a song, anyways."

"I see…" the Elder sighed, and closed his enchanting eyes as he thought to himself. Evantarin looked at him, worry nipping at his bones. "Evantarin, have you been… different, lately?"

"No," he blinked. "Should I have?"

"I would think so," the Elder stared at him again. "The Light is fading from you."

"…What?"

"You're powers are fading, Evantarin," the Elder stated. "And with every passing moment it not only fades ever more, but a new Light grows. Do you know what this means, Evantarin?"

He looked up at him, shock settling in with understanding. He nodded. "I'm dying."

"Not quiet," the Elder shook his head, causing him confusion. He wasn't dying? Then what was happening? "You're fading by choice, Evantarin, not because you are dying…. Why did you lie to the Lady today?"

"What?" Evantarin blinked again. "But I didn't lie to-"

"You're heart is in pain, Evantarin," the Elder stepped closer to him; he reached a hand to touch Evantarin's brow. "Do you not hear? This song… this person calling you… it's your own music. Don't you remember anything?" Reality suddenly settled on him, and he gasped for air as, for a moment, all his former glory was returned… only to have it slip away again. "You are no longer able to carry the Light, even if I force you to. You can no longer be an Adept, Evantarin. Now listen."

And he did. The music came, uplifting but lonely. He wanted it to stop.

"What is it?" he asked, silent tears staining his cheeks as he clutched at his ears. His chest was burning him.

"You don't recognize it?" the Elder asked him. "You spent years, visiting people's subconscious as you schooled them on the subject. Think, Evantarin, and the answer will come to you."

"…love?" he looked up at his Elder, almost wishing it weren't true when he nodded. "But I know what love is. I love all the creatures around me… this cannot be-"

"It is," the Elder chuckled. "I'm surprised at you… but maybe it has something to do with the Light leaving you. You have been forgetting. Do you remember the people you love, Evantarin?"

"Rebecca," he said shallowly. Another pang sounded.

"But Rebecca is here," the Elder sighed. "And no one here would wish you any pain… who else do you love, Evantarin?"

He opened his mouth to name the next piece of Light he knew, but he suddenly couldn't remember. All the names were washed from his mind, leaving a blank sheet. This confused him even more.

"Don't you remember Evantarin?" The Elder drew him to a stand, and smiled at him. "But of course you don't… the matters of the heart are fickle to an Adept, if gravely important. But you are no longer an Adept."

"But I am!" he protested.

"No," the Elder shook his head again. "You are not. Someone is calling you. Someone aside from yourself. You cannot hear his call, and neither can we, but someone is calling. You must go, Evantarin. Let you're heart rest before it fades."

He heard gates opening behind him, and turning, he saw a familiar courtyard. The structure of the University almost beckoned him, and for the first time in a long time, he felt excited about going somewhere. He took a step, and faltered.

"I will come back." He looked over his shoulder at the Elder.

"No, you won't," the Elder shook his head for the final time, pushing Evantarin out into the courtyard. Away from the Light. "And in two weeks, you will fade. You know what you have to do, Evantarin. Now do it."


	2. First Trials

**First Trials**

Light faded and dimmed over his eye lids, and he took a few moments to try to remember where he was... not to mention who he was. The information, though there, was jumbled haphazardly in his mind. He relaxed when the details came to him, and shifted his conscious to feel the textures of light on his skin.

They weren't there.

Panic didn't describe what he was feeling; the last bits of information slipped into place reluctantly, coupled with sickening horror as he opened his eyes to be blinded by the early morning sun. He was fading. Soon enough he would be gone from this world, and he had two weeks to figure out what he apparently knew what to do. Then do it.

He sat up, looking at his surroundings and trying to decide when he'd fallen asleep. Or maybe collapsed; one way or another, he'd spent the night in a deserted University Courtyard, and his back was paying for it.

"Hey Bubba!" his heart raced at the unexpected voice, and he looked up to see an old bag lady wheeling a shopping cart towards him. "What're you doin' here, Bub? The world s'not 'bout to end anytime soon… not unless these ignorant people stop being so damn picky!"

"I… you…" Evan blinked at her, something distinctly familiar about her… something that reminded him about Rebecca. "I've met you before, haven't I?"

"What an observation!" she snorted. "Oh course you've met me, Bubba! Now, go get some damn food in you; you're too skinny. Take a shower too."

"Who are you..?" he asked bluntly, blushing when he'd realized how rude he was sounding.

"Bah!" she frowned with a glare. "I knew ya wouldn't remember everything, but this little..? Do ya remember why you were invited last time?"

"Yeah," he blinked again. "I was invited to banish an Adept of Darkness; and I did that… what does this have to do with the last time I was here?"

"Don't cha remember who you were with?" she chuckled lightly when he shook his head. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think that they'd sent you here to see the death of you; much too late in the game, and I doubt you'll find what you're after… do ya at least know what your supposed ta be doing? And how long you've got?"

"Two weeks," he realized he was still sitting down, and pulled himself to tower over her.

"Two weeks?" she frowned again. "Nuh uh… s'no way I'm gonna go around wastin' my time on a lousy two weeks. I'll set ya on the right track and nothin' else. Go find that busy body that helped Rebecca all the time; she can help ya find him."

"Who's him?" he wanted to pull his hair out in his confusion, but settled with sending her a puzzled look… it was then that something finally clicked in his brain. "Mrs Ruth?"

"About damn time!" she scolded him. "And it's your own fault if you can't remember him… but he sure the hell remembers you. Comes here at least once a week and sings damn ballets; disruptin' the peace and makin' all the Grey Folk and dead folk muck about. Got two more years, and he still don't wanna listen to my advice! Don't get cocky I tell him; what does he do? Starts thinking he can just spout music and everyone will instantly either see the light or be doomed to darkness, then harps at old ladies about it! He's learnin' though…"

"Mrs Ruth, please…" Evan sighed. "Please don't be so vague..? You're a wise woman; one of the wisest. What am I supposed to do?"

"What have I been telling ya?" she seemed to grow ten feet call, and he cowered away from her. "Go find him!" She turned around, pushing her shopping cart in front of her, and walked away from him. He stared after her, seemingly frozen to the spot, before he remembered that he had to be doing something… finding this 'busy body' that used to help Rebecca…

He slowly started to follow Mrs Ruth's path, making his way out of the University Courtyard. He would spy a Little every now and then, staring out at him with bug eyes and pink tongues. Some would sneer at him, others would laugh; none of them tried to get closer to him, as if they were afraid… he didn't try to get closer to them either.

He'd woken up less then ten minute ago, and already he was exhausted. He'd forgotten how much energy it took just to survive on this plane.

The main street was only so much better, people pressing in on all sides, suffocating him. He hadn't taken two steps and he'd received several flirtatious looks, and a phone number.

Some how he made it to the street corner, the flirtatious looks dying down. He crossed when the light turned, breathing out a silent prayer when he made it to the other side.

How was he supposed to do this..?

It seemed that luck was on his side when after three or four more street corners and turning lights, he overheard a bruised teenager complaining about his father; Evan had stopped for a moment, this information troubling him, even though he knew he had no control over such affairs… he was too weak to put up any fight against Darkness. But the information slid another clue into place. A clue about a woman who fought against Darkness daily and never gave up… a Maiden and a Warrior.

"…who are you..?" he asked himself; a name eluded him, but the steps he took seemed more confident, and at the next street corner he didn't cross, but turned instead.

He didn't acknowledge the fear creeping into his mind; every turn, every crossing, and every step took him closer to a place where Darkness pressed in on him from all sides. He didn't flinch when he heard the first words of harassment. Not towards him, but it cut into his heart anyways. He didn't even look up until he heard music.

He stopped. The music wasn't anything special; a young girl strummed at a guitar thoughtlessly, muttering mesmerized words… but hidden just beneath the lyrics and cords was a familiar feeling… something he couldn't remember feeling in a long, long time. If ever.

"And I, never again can be free…" the girl sang; Evan's heart skipped jump rope against his ribs. "For you are in my music… and the music's, all of me…"

He didn't realize until she looked up at him, fright shining in her brilliant eyes, that he'd walked over to her; he smiled at her, and her fear melted into an instant affection. "Hello."

"Hi," he nodded at her, watching her fingers as they drifted into another tune; it was the same as the last. Amateur. Without thought. And hauntingly familiar… "I couldn't help but admire you're music… where did you learn?"

"I've been playing for years," she smiled up at him. "But it's my room mate who really got me passionate for it… ya know?"

"Yeah," he nodded again before he could comprehend the question. "Yeah, I think I do… have a nice day."

"You too," she sent him a sly wink before he turned away.

Shaking his head, he let his steps take him farther and farther away from her… only that they weren't as confident as they had been moments before; had something in the music shook his nerve..? But that was impossible! He didn't even know why he'd been confident in the first place, so how could he lose that confidence?

_It was nothing…_Evan shook his head. He breathed as he stepped away from the pressing of Darkness… _And even if it was anything, it would have only been the Darkness affecting me. Why would I react that much to a song I had never heard before..?_

He crossed at the next three street corners, then turned. At the next street corner, he turned again; this carried on, crossing here, turning there, well past every time of day… but he didn't pause, not even when his feet started to hurt.

_And I never again can be free…_

The girl's lyrics sang through his memory the entire time, trying to rouse something within him… but he didn't listen. Wouldn't listen. Wouldn't, that is, until the music started.

He caught a few bars, drifting out from the horizon. They were sad and wistful, and glued him to the spot; the only thing that he could do was sit down, right where he was.

There was a tree there, and he leaned against it as the music wrapped around him; there was more of it this time, now that he was willing to listen…. But it wouldn't stop. It kept coming, washing him with endless emotions and fears, until Evan realized that tears were streaking down his cheeks.

He wiped them away hastily, and looked around for something to distract him from the bothersome chords; he looked at the apartment just across the street from him, scanned the windows for anything that would make the music go away, but it only grew louder.

It seemed to get worse, too. As the music progressed, Littles came out of their hiding places and moved towards him slowly, encircling him with bug eyes and pink tongues… the boldest of them reached out as the music picked up a frantic D Major, and tugged on the hem of his faded jeans. This encouraged the rest of them, and soon enough he had little Littles pulling on hair and earrings and clothing and bangles…

"Go away…" he muttered weakly. He pulled himself to a stand, and leaned against the tree; a Little fell off his shoulder, only to grab the bottom of his shirt.

He took one shaky step, and then another, breaking the circle of Littles. They followed his movements, taking the opportunity to undo his shoe laces and sneak into his socks.

He moved down the sidewalk, breaking out into a run as soon as he reached the street corner. The Littles took a tighter hold on him, only one or two falling back to the ground.

"Let go of me!" the tears came back, and he realized after a moment that the music was growing dimmer… but the Littles didn't let go of him. "Go away!"

His feet guided him through old routes that seemed familiar to them, even if he couldn't remember ever walking – or running – the same path before. They took him to a park, similar to the University Courtyard he had spent his last night in, but very different as well; he collapsed onto the first bench he crossed.

The tears over took him, and Evan cried. The Littles had no mercy on him, tugging on his hair and pulling at his earrings until one of them ripped out. He cried harder, blood dripping down one cheek.

"Leave," he pushed the nearest Little away with a force that surprised himself. "Me. Alone!"

And they left. After a few moments, he released a breath he hadn't realized he held, and lay down on the uncomfortable bench. He closed his eyes against the Darkness, but felt hollow inside as he felt a part of himself slip out of his grasp.

The music started playing again as his conscious faded out of the living world, and into one of the deepest dreams...


End file.
